The Bravery of Clouds

Well, I'm glad that's over for now. I almost wish more people had seen my shiny new skin before I buried myself and got it dirty. But I do like digging.
While I was busy though, my people went a little crazy on the internet. I'm not sure how they managed to burn through it so fast, but it's beside the point anyway. We're on short data rations for the next two weeks, so unfortunately, I may be posting slightly erratically for that period. I apologise. I don't have the authority over my people I thought I did. Fear not, I will discipline them with hisses and evil eyes.

I was outside today in my protective wire box when water started falling from the sky. This has happened before, I know. I felt it worth mentioning because the fall was quite heavy despite the persistance of the sunlight. I may have to rethink my stance on the flightiness and weak will of clouds; I had thought them incapable of standing their ground unless in groups large enough to simply take over the sky. Perhaps they can muster some courage when they want to.

Can you really know the mind of a cloud anyway?

Idly,
Mikey

Itchy: A Poem

It begins with a niggle
That becomes a tickle
And turns into an itch
I cannot scratch:

Under my belly
And over my back
From my tail to my nose,
Even my toes.

I get so grumpy
While my skin goes lumpy;
I can’t sleep at night
My skin’s so tight.

Until with slithering rustle
And wriggling bustle
I shrug it away.
I’m free today!

I like to be shiny
With shimmering scales,
But it’s just my luck;
Shedding really sucks.

Shinily,

Mikey

Am I Not Lizard Enough?

My people need better internet. Honestly.

So they discovered a game about feeding lizards. I kid you not. My lady person is upset because she can't have it; something about eye phones or what have you. What possible purpose could your eyes have for their own telephone? And why would it play games?

Regardless, they're using this marvel of technology to feed pretend lizards, while a real, live lizard is right here, begging for table scraps. I don't even need an eye phone.

Mother, dearest, why not show off your 3D lizard to guy person? I'll sit here and eat as much as you want to feed me, and you can enjoy that for free! Every single day!

Incomprehendingly,
Mikey

Shady Neighbours

My lady person met another lizard at a party yesterday, and she didn't bring him home to meet me. So, Zeus, if you're ever in the neighbourhood, feel free to drop in and say hi. I'll save you some banana, since the coffee is kept well out of my reach.

Just be wary. There's something else living here. I've seen it a couple of times, shimmying around in the cornices. I always keep half an eye open, and so far it hasn't come close enough to bother me, but I don't know if it'll keep its distance forever. At the moment, there are enough little spiders around to sate its appetite (they moved in with the lady's furniture), but I'm sure it'll come after my cornflakes and fruit juice eventually. Honey is amazing. Did you know that? I discovered this morning that syrup isn't confined to the maple variety.

I digress. Georgi is less than pleased by our invisible neighbour. She spent an hour attempting to persuade me to save her, poor damsel in distress that she is, last time we spotted it.

I wonder if it's tasty.

Stealthily,
Mikey

Grand Opening Day

Good evening friends!

I'd like to thank you all for coming to support me in my new endeavour. Feel free to browse; everything in the gallery is for sale.

I wouldn't have seen the success I have without you, and I have had a fantastic time getting to know you all. I may have tried to take a bite out of many of you, but believe me when I say there was no spite in any of those teethmarks. Especially considering I have no teeth, technically. Particular apologies to the wild one. You were just quite tasty.

To the undernourished one, I say eat more pancakes. To his lovely friend, the giggling one, I say feed him (and me) more pancakes. To the ever-delightful bouncy one, I look forward to our next cuddle. To the big one at your shoulder, I swear it's totally platonic.

To the wild one, I hope you take the land across the water by storm. To the pale one, come back and take a better picture of me!

To my guy person, I've heard about 'brohood' and I'd like to think we have it. You've been pretty cool.

To my lady person's mum, the bringer of meat, eggs, and all things delicious, I love you. You're awesome.

And to my lady person, my dear mother, everything I have, you gave me. Thankyou.

Cheers, everyone.

Acknowledgingly,
Mikey

Science in a Box

By the process of elimination, I have decided that I’m a philosopher. Philosophy is delightfully conducive to lying around on heat rocks all day looking pensive, especially considering the dismal weather we’ve had lately. I currently wonder why clouds look like mashed potatoes. I’m sure my scientifically-oriented guy person could tell me, but where’s the fun in that?

Speaking of my guy person, he showed me a video yesterday of smoke coming out of a cardboard box, and cups falling over on a desk. Something about a vortex and polystyrene. I didn’t really get it. My lady friend made all the right ‘I see!’ type noises, but I suspect she didn’t get it either.

Georgi just muttered something about polystyrene mammals and biodegradable poisons or something and sulked. Girls. Oh, and I said I’d post an apology for spelling her name incorrectly in my last entry. There you go, Georgi; that was it. She says Georgi is French. I’m not sure I believe that either, but I’m not about to argue with her. It just isn’t that important.

The weather outside looks cold, so I’m going to go and ponder the clouds on my rock.

Contemplatively,

Mikey

Looking Through Glass: A Poem

My sky is white not far above, my horizons close and beige,
My sun is warm, and cracked, and dull, but comfortable with age.
My dreams are filled with maple love and cakes fried in the pan,
And I wake to fill my belly with as many as I can.

I watch as days and nights go by in a filtered orange hue
And hold my measured silence as the wisest dragons do;
I think on everything I see as I try to understand
The people I’ve grown fond of living in my little land.

I’ve come to know my many friends o’er the last three years,
Seen them laugh or throw a tantrum or crumble into tears.
As much as I love all my friends, they’re everything I feared.
You all do the strangest things. Damn, you folk are weird.

Unonomatopoeically,

Mikey

Georgie

So I have a housemate now. Her name is Georgie, and she's a bit of a hippie. I've never seen so many colours on a lizard before, and I've seen pictures of chameleons.

She's a small toy replica of a sculpture somewhere in Europe by a guy called Gaudi (which suits very well, in my opinion), and she hangs out on the top edge of my tank. She moved in last Saturday. It took me a few days to decipher her accent, but I think we're communicating now.

Luckily she's easy enough to live with. She didn't bring much furniture, doesn't like eggs (Europeans are weird), and makes very little noise. I haven't even had to share my heat rock.

She has a few interesting opinions I can't say I agree with, and some of the topics she's passionate about I haven't heard of before. What would I know about the world economy and capitalism? I'm a lizard. I eat whatever I can persuade my lady person to feed me, I sleep on my heat rock (or under it, if I'm particularly cold), and I contemplate what I see of the world through the sliding glass door.

I guess that makes me a philosopher. Or perhaps a poet.

Thoughtfully,
Mikey

Life in the Sky

I had the house to myself today, so I spent some quality time on my heat rock. The new house is quite tranquil during the day, as long as you're inside.

Outside smells nice, but for some reason my lady person decided to live in a tree or something this time. She explored the tiles outside with me not long after we moved in, and I left her near the wall while I ventured out toward the edge. I've never been so far from the ground in my life. I didn't even poke my nose over that cliff, and I'm usually pretty good with heights.

My lady person started getting anxious then, so I let her take me back inside. We've been out there a few times since, but I stick to my mesh box, and she has a chair beside it so I can look out for her. She's a bit silly sometimes. I don't know why she didn't find a house more firmly attached to the ground. You'd think she was a gecko, but I'm quite sure that people can't stick to walls any better than I can. If they could, my guy person would do it all the time.

I've seen him try. Doorways don't count. Sorry.

Sleepily,
Mikey

It Looks Fine, She Says...

Two posts in one day; bad form, I know, but I feel creative photography deserves discussion. I had my lady person take a photo of me. The result is up on the right.

Not my best side, I'll admit, but it's probably better than my self-portrait. The drawback of having no opposable thumbs, but arms like a Tyrannosaurus Rex's.

The lady says it has character. That's good, right? I'm grateful and all, but I don't follow in her artistic, bipedal footsteps. Now the pale one, a friend I haven't seen for some months now, she could take pictures. She still sends some to my lady person. She would have made me look like a contemporary dragon or something. That's what I call character.

What do you guys think? Does it have character? Is it me?... Is it me? I can hardly tell.

Blurrily,
Mikey

Confessions of a Party Animal

My people had guests last night: late last night. I’ve met them all before, the bouncy one, the big one, the undernourished one, and the food one, but never all at once. My lady person and I shared a house with the undernourished one a couple of seasons ago, and I’m rather fond of the bouncy one. You never get the bouncy one without the big one, but he and I are on respectful terms. He knows I could take him if I had to.

My lady person woke me up for the party, as she always does—I’m a guest of honour at such events—despite my apparent distaste. I hiss and grumble and carry on, but she insists on my greeting the invitees every single time. Actually, I love parties. I’m allowed to walk around on the carpet, everybody tells me how beautiful I am, and I usually get fed. If my lady person realised this though, she’d probably stop bringing me cheese to ‘sweeten my temper’. Keep it coming, Mother.

I’m a particular hit with the ladies. They exclaim over how cool or smooth my scales are, cuddle me up to their bosoms for warmth, and generally think I’m sexy. And they often smell like flowers. That’s not to say I don’t have guy friends too. They tend to already know that I’m not slimy, so most of them reckon I’m quite awesome.

Some people won’t come near me, but I’m not greedy. I don’t need to rule the whole world.

I retired to my log when the people found something to drink that, frankly, smelled off to me. They seemed to enjoy it well enough. I kept an eye on things to make sure it didn’t get out of hand, but they all just giggled for a few hours and behaved themselves.

I heard whispers of another party next week, and it sounded like they had another lizard on the guest list. I might investigate.

I've just been informed that today's my lady person's dad's birthday. I hope you get cheese at your party too.

Cheque, please,

Mikey.

Endings and Beginnings

I haven't seen the fish lately. My lady person told me this morning that he died last week. Apparently we'd been expecting it. That doesn't surprise me; he hadn't been looking well for a while. He was an excitable fellow for most of the time I knew him. It's sad that he's gone, but really, he wasn't going to get better.

I spent the rest of today under my water bowl. My lady person gets annoyed when I spill it. It's pretty funny. Then she refills it and I get to spill it again. I got to thinking though. My fish friend was a communicative creature; he'd flop around and entertain my lady person for entire mornings without ever needing to say a word. Now, I don't flop around as a rule, but maybe there's still something to learn here. He enjoyed communicating. It could be worth a shot.

So here's my view of the world. I see all sorts of interesting things, and eat all kinds of stuff. Visiting people have all sorts of reactions to me, and think the strangest things.

I'm an Eastern Blue-Tongued lizard. My name is Michaelangelo (thanks a lot, lady person; everyone thinks I'm some kung fu turtle), and I'm four. My birthday is just before Christmas, but don't worry, I don't ask for much. I'm a little over a foot long, and my lady person thinks I'm a little overweight. I assure you I'm not. I like snails, bananas, and hot pancakes with maple syrup. I live in a big glass tank, but I'm allowed to run around the house some days while my people are home.

And I'm scaly, not slimy.

Silently,
Mikey.