I like Guy Person's dad. True sympathisers understand that the birthday cake should be divided between all guests, not just the warm-blooded ones.
And no, Mother, the size of the slice is, in fact, irrelevant. Cake equality means I get as much as you do, regardless of my small stature, even if the slice is then larger than me. And it isn't all bad for me. I know Black Forest cakes tend to be rich in chocolate and filled with jam and cream, but there's also fruit in it. Not all of us dislike those candied cherries, right, Guy Person?
I haven't eaten for nearly two weeks to make room for this cake. I've refused all of the ham, chicken, grapes, toast, and cupcake you've offered me. Just for this. Why deny me? I've been so good! I've even spent many hours sitting on my heat rock or exercising so that I can enjoy this mountain of deliciousness!
No, it doesn't mollify me when you say you'll enjoy it extra for me.
Oh, right. Happy Birthday, Guy Person. I wouldn't have bitten you this morning if I'd known.
Black-Forest-Birthday-Cake-less-ly,
Mikey
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